So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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