My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
