imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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