I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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