does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
