she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
