Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
