I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
