My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
