i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
