So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
