I hate all girls vehemently.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
