it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I won the penis lottery.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
