I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
