that's what penises do
they tell lies.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
