Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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