Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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