he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
