Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
