I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just pee around me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
