I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
