What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
