dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
