you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
