You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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