he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
