Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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