fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
