like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
