I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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