Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
