I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
