She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
