I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
