I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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