At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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