I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
foreskin is a definite game changer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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