yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
