I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
