this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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