idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
