all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
