dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
