Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
