It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
