Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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