I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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