I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
