Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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