What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
