She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
