I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
